Les FemmesA Mother's Letter to Her Son at College

A concerned mom shared this. Our children away at school need our continued guidance, especially today when most colleges have abandoned their obligation to protect the students entrusted to their care. Do you know a young adult in college who could benefit from reading this letter?

Dear Son,

It was so good to have you home. How much I love you. Iím glad we had a chance to talk on the way back to school. Our conversation about dating concerned me a little. It was vague enough that I wasnít really sure what your beliefs are, but it seemed to me you were talking about "brinkmanship" — how far can I go before Iíve tripped over the brink into serious sin. The problem with that approach is that sexual response is progressive like this:

First comes attraction/friendship, then holding hands — hugging — kissing good night — prolonged and passionate kissing — petting (light) — petting (heavy, including breasts and genitals) — intercourse.

Once a relationship begins, the couple needs to think and take control of the situation. You can choose to stay in the early stages of a relationship for years, although the stronger the attraction the more self-control that requires. But as you move along the continuum, the momentum picks up, and thereís more of a temptation to take the next step. Once you hit the passionate kissing stage you are in serious foreplay. Itís a lot more tempting and easier to move to the next stages. And that is a big problem!

Only married couples have the right to intercourse as a privilege of their special, consecrated love. Others who move toward it are stealing what does not belong to them. And they will probably end up hurting their future spouses. Most people who have pre-marital sex have several partners before marriage. They cheat themselves and their future spouses of the fullness of their love — like picking a rose for someone, but pulling off half the petals before giving it.

When does a relationship become sinful? Iím not sure, but I think I can point out some warning signs. If youíre not sure what youíre doing is right, thatís a big caution light. What comes after the yellow caution light is a big red STOP.

When a woman thinks she loves a man she is much more vulnerable to giving herself. A man who is tempted can easily take advantage of her. It all boils down to this: What is the nature of love? Read 1 Corinthians 13. Love cares more about the other than about self. It is self-sacrificing.

As you move along that continuum toward intercourse you are creating what psychologists call the "genital bond." The further a couple goes, the more they "glue" themselves together and the harder it is to end the relationship. This fake bond can cause people to marry for the wrong reason, only to have the relationship come apart later. The physical glue seems strong at the beginning, but it doesnít stick well over the long haul.

So think long and hard about where you are on that line when youíre dating. Respect the young women you know, and above all — donít separate yourself from the ownerís manual. God made us. He gave us these strong drives. Our passions are wonderful and a gift when used rightly. When wrongly used we malfunction and break. Same as if you tried to use the vacuum cleaner to mow the lawn or the lawn mower to clean the carpets. All you get is a mess!

Please stay close to God and go to confession often. God wants to give us grace so we can see clearly. Itís like cleaning the car windows after a long trip. When you get rid of all the dead bugs and bird droppings, your vision is a whole lot better and youíre less likely to run off the road.

You are so dear to me. May your guardian angel enfold you in his wings and guide you on the straight path to our wonderful God who loves you so much.

With all my heart,


One additional comment: Alcohol breaks down the inhibitions and clouds both the intellect and the will. Many young people have lost their virginity after a drinking date. Parents need to discuss this danger with their kids. Ed

Table of Contents